Time on Fast Forward

Time has felt like it's been on fast forward here. Seriously I feel like it was just Valentine’s Day but really April starts in 3 days.

I have no idea where the time has gone.

.... scratch that, it went to classes.

Honestly I will never suggest doing 6 classes during your final semester unless you absolutely need to.

Work has not been easy. Thesis is taking up a LOT of time but I am - thankfully - not behind. The General Motors class is moving along and we are starting to create the digital models. My Zbrush class is a lot of fun, but also tons of work. I’m also the only person not in Illustration, Game, or Animation therefore basic first steps to them are very foreign to me. Glass casting is one of my only laid back classes - I can take it easy and not stress as long as I get 4 projects done. Native American Cultures is a joke. The class is boring like nothing else and we aren’t even given any tests so what’s the point. (of course this is the only one I have to take to graduate....)

Somehow Spring Break came and went.

I spent the first half at Disney World. My sister Katie is doing the Disney College Program but was able to get most of the time off. My brother Michael had the same break week and drove down with his friend Maddy and my parents and youngest sister flew from home. It was the first time all 6 of us have been to Disney together in 5 years. 

Family all together in Disney for the first time in a while.

The week was fun: seeing shows, riding rides, taking pictures of Katie at work, catching up with May-Lou about things at school and the up coming prom, watching Michael and Maddy make strangers and cast members give the a “high five for Disney,” not thinking about anything else but the present. 

Alas, it was only a week. A week several weeks ago now.

Things are really moving.

Moving to summer.

Moving to graduation....

...ug.

If you had asked me 6 months ago how I would be feeling now, I would have said, “good.” I had everything planned. I would hear back from all my schools, have gotten in to my safety schools, a few middle-of-the-road ones, and maybe, maybe, even a top pick. I would have other options too: long term internships, Disney College Program, maybe even a job offer........

Now though.....

I’ve heard from 5 schools: 2 yes and 3 no. (I’m still waiting on 3.) As for my back up plans I have heard nothing back. The college program has been sending me emails for over a month saying they are backed up and will get to my application soon, but everyone I talk to say that is very odd. Everything else is just nothing, no emails, no notices, just silence.

Before I thought I would be standing at the end of a hall with almost a dozen open doors to choose from. 

Now I feel like am standing in the dark watching doors disappear or slam shut. Even the halls that I do see don’t look as appealing as I first thought they would. Nothing is how I thought it would be and a part of me can’t help but think that these are the only options I’m going to have. After all, I’m never the one picked first, never the smartest or the best, never the one chosen for the job or the internship, never the one asked out, never the one looked at twice.....so why should I feel hopeful for my future when I’ve always lost in the past? 

The next few weeks will determine everything.

I’ll hear back from the last 3 schools by the 10th, the college program by the 20th. The internships will be starting their process soon so I’ll know if I have a chance or not soon. 

So, yeah, time is really moving.