Start the Last Year

It’s been a while, I know.

Lots has been going on. Over the summer I wasn’t able to get any internship even though I had a few different interviews…..my animation project from class got into several festivals…..I changed my thesis even though I had all the prep done for the other one…..started my absolute final year of school…..and decided to apply for a Fulbright ETA.

From the top:

No internships this summer….again. I honestly thought I had a good shot at some of them, but nothing came of it. I’m starting to freak out thinking that I’m not going to get anything after graduation now - I’ve got no experience!

My animation did get into a few festivals this summer, even the one I made at Ringling. So that was cool.

I changed my thesis. Don’t get me wrong, I love my first story and I seriously would like to create it at some point. But for thesis I only have 4 minutes max and I can’t get the story in under that time restraint - its just too complex. So now it’s the story of raising a puppy for the Seeing Eye from the dog’s point of view…it’s slow goings though. (Am I doing the right thing?)

Classes started again for my last fall. Seriously I am done with school….well at least with being the student. I’m all for teaching eventually - that’s why I’ve been so gun-ho with my department to let me take these classes on teaching.

Fulbright ETA or rather English Teaching Assistant. I’ve decided I really have no confidence that I’m going to get a job after graduation - so lets go somewhere. Well that’s one reason. The other reason is that my friend from Ringling recently began teaching english in Japan and I am completely jealous. But Fulbright doesn’t have ETA programs in Japan so I’ve decided to apply for Taiwan. 

I’m having problems with the application though. Since I decided to apply so late in the game I’ve had less than a month to research, plan, and write out my essays. There is one week left and though all that is going well I can’t get people for references. I don’t have real relationships with lots of teacher’s here on campus, and those I want to ask I can only reach by email and they aren’t answering….. 

So, yeah - today isn’t a great day. Everything is a bit over wheliming - I just want everything to stop. I’ve got back-up plan after back-up plan, but I’m tripping over the first steps. Can I do this?

MFA year 1 Complete

This post is coming late….but I guess you should be use to that by now.

The semester ended and I couldn’t have been happier. By the last 2 weeks I was doing 2-3 all-nighters a week and really long days the rest of the time.

In order: 

3D Modeling: turned out a lot better than I thought it would. Texturing was a bear, and when I did the print for class a ink blot streaked….twice. I was convinced that I was only just scraping by in the class, that Kane wouldn’t like the final product, that the texting was wrong or the shadows too dark.

But he actually loved the piece! He liked the modeling details and the relaxed detail areas. Liked the angle and the suggestions of alleyways. Liked my town center and all the carts and barrels….even my little peg people I used as scale reference.

End grade: A

Animation: was a miracle it got done. The biggest hurdle was that Pratt didn’t have Cinema 4D anywhere and my student copy only let me export at a max size of 800x600. Thankfully I still had a friend at my old college (Ringling) and she was amazing enough to export everything I needed and get the files back to me.

Thank you Victoria and GoogleDrive.

So the animation finally got together. I finished up that blog and online videos of the final thing are still currently locked since Im applying to different festivals at the moment. Maybe by December it can unlock, so of now here is a still.

This is actually the bad guy at the end of the animation

End grade: A

Teaching: was always different from everything else at Pratt. For a final we had to write a 20 page paper on our observations of 2 of the kids we taught, or observed, over the semester. You also had to have some question you where trying to answer about them through the observation. I did mine very different from everyone else in that my question was “Is the cartoon animation style of today influencing the child’s art style in a 3D aspect.” 

The long and short of it was, yes. I also pointed out in the paper how US animated cartoon shows have very similar styles and designs. 

Overall it was an interesting class. I defiantly learned a lot and say teaching art in a different way then I perceived it to be.

End grade: A-

Model Shop: was a confusing joke. I took the class because I thought I could learn different techniques to create miniatures and fabrication that went with it. In actuality we just had lectures on materials and processes - which are very important to the other 8 people in the class but I found most classes very boring.

Then the final - you might remember the prototype I showed in the last post. I was going to make that for real to submit for final. But I walk into the second to last class and the teacher comes in saying its actually the last day! I freak for a bit since I don't have the piece with me or even actually started, then he says that I never had to make it in the first place and that nothing needs to be submitted at all.

What?

Yeah, that was basically the class.

End grade: A

StoryBoarding: okay I guess. It was mainly just projects and reviewing projects, and watching his animations or film clips he found that illustrated something he was talking about. There wasn’t much direction in the class which I was fine with, but the undergraduates weren’t happy since they hardly knew anything when starting out.

For the final we had to make a board-a-matic for something 1-4 minutes long. I decided to record my parents talking about the evolution of their relationship as it started in high school. It had simple drawings, nothing as detailed as I normally made for the class, but I was doing 3 of them plus getting my thesis presentation ready.

End grade: A

Seminar II: stressful to the end. The animation was subtle and had to be re-worked several times to look decent, the colors had to be changed half way through, and I realized I didn’t agree with the character design in general for my main boy about a week before the full factually critique.

I don’t ave much I can show you since the files are on my other drive at school, but I can tell you about the presentation I gave.

So this presentation was more or less a “This is what I really want to do for thesis and Here is where I’m at” type of thing. Many where not good, but I think that my actual presentation went well - at least I had everything and was quick about it. I got 3 main notes from them that could potentially change the story a great deal. I really do have to start working on it soon, but I needed some time away from it for a bit.

After all, it is summer.

End grade: B+

Final Semester GPA: 3.82

Overall: 3.85

Well thats all the school stuff for now. 

I didn’t end up getting an internship again this summer even though I applied to over 40 places. I’m really hoping things look better come graduation.

For the moment I’m back home in New Jersey with my parents. My brother is at his internship by my grandmother’s house so is staying there, one sister is currently in Rome for a month and the other is in Spain for the next 2 months.

Like I said, I needed a break form thesis but I’ll be starting up again in the next few weeks since there are a few things I want to get done by September.

Till Later!

Killing Myself Slowly

Wow. It’s been a while since I updated this. Sorry.

So in the past…..month?….a lot has been happening - but at the same time nothing.

We’ve got 2 weeks left in the semester. 2 weeks to get everything done and finish all the presentations. That’s a LOT of work to get done in no time.

For 3D Modeling class we are more or less doing another city - but with more buildings and texture preferably. I’m at an okay spot with it but since it is technically due 4 days after literally everything else I’m only doing the minimum each week so I con but time in other projects.

Work in Progress of my final

Animation class has been a challenge. I’ve had to learn figure rigging in 2 days and animate the final world needed in the animation. I still need to add the evil character, the corruption, her face, the background, and composite it all together. 

(I have a blog for this class that is updated every week for my teacher. For more details on how the process look there)

Teaching class is almost done. My teacher has stopped assigning weekly homework so we can concentrate on our final - a 20 page research paper that also covers our observations of two students in the Saturday Art School (SAS) class we where teaching or observing at the same time. The SAS classes have also ended this past week and for that I am glad. I wasn’t getting credit for being there and was only able to observe so the days where very long - but its over now and I just have a 20 page paper to write. Fun.

Model Shop is a bit of a joke. I have no idea what the final is other then to submit photos of our work. Yes, I still need to do that project I posted about last time. It’s now going to just be the top part and about the size of a cutting board so it should be more do-able.

Storyboarding is…strange. Lots of people have stopped coming in the past 2 weeks and since he gave 5 weeks to finish the final (make a storyboard for a 1-4 minute animation) everyone is going slow so its not finished too early and he says to do another one.

Seminar is insane. We have a huge faculty presentation in 2 weeks and we have to show everything we have for our thesis: inspiration, concept art, character designs, models, tests, color palette, full animatic, and 20 seconds for finished animation. Its a lot, but thankfully we have had a few classes of “work in class” days so the sessions haven’t been as emotionally draining as before.

To give you a bit of an idea what my thesis will look like

—

Other things have happened too.

I had applied to over 30 different internships for the summer - most located in NY since I already have an apartment here.

Out of 30 I got an interview with 2 places.

Of those 2 interviews I got nothing.

My teacher recently gave us all pointers on interviews and said that a company saying “no” is nothing personal, just business. But when you only get rejections after 3 years it gets harder to not take it personally.

Sometimes it makes me wonder if I doing anything right ‘cause what’s the point of good grades and projects if no one will hire you and give you a change?

So the summer is looking bleak. Both my sisters will be studying abroad (Italy and Spain). My brother will be graduating from his college in 2 weeks but will be returning in the fall for a 2 year graduate program. He’s been offered a few awesome possibilities for the summer - though I’m not sure which he has chosen. Either way though he will be doing an internship this summer.

Which leaves me - with no prospects. Yeah, I’ll most likely work on getting things ready for thesis in the fall, but I really wanted - needed - a job somewhat related to animation for over the summer. My friends aren’t much of a help either since none of them planned to do anything but relax and work on thesis.

Oh, and to top it all off my baby sister is back from England after 4 months for only 10 days before she leaves for another 3 months to study in Spain and I cant get home to see her because of all this &#%!@^$ work!

On that pleasant note I must get back to reality and get some more done before calling it a day. Ta!

Back into the Fire

The hardest thing about going back to school after Spring Break? Remembering how to stay up all night. Once I got back to school I was pulling an all nighter to get work done.

Thankfully I was able to get done the line work I needed.

Things have been going fine, I guess. I am still alive after all.

3D Modeling is going okay. We had our midterm pushed back so it is actually due on Monday. We have to create a city block. Originally I was going for a modern-day European, but decided to re-start and go for a more Medieval France/ Elizabethan Era. It’s coming on well.

In my Teaching class the week I had to teach everyone animation in 30 minutes. I went over the 12 principles then had them make flip books. It actually turned out well and some where really good. I also had a mid-term meeting with the teaching to discuss where I stand and that also went well. At the moment I have a B+/A- and am moving up.

Model Shop was strange in that most of the class didn’t show up till long ofter it started. 3 still where a no-show by the time we where dismissed and with only 9 people in the class it is very noticeable. I’ve also finally started coming up with a design for what I’m going to make in the class. Of course it isn’t something easy. Ideally the whole thing will be made, but if I just get the top part done it will be fine too.

Top view

Side view

Not much else is new in terms of classes. Just work, work, and more work. Soon we will be scheduling classes for the Fall, but they doing have all the classes listed yet so I’m not sure what I’m even interested in yet.

Other than that I am slowly starting to hear back from internships. I’ve got 1 “no” and 2 “we’re interested in talking”s. Still waiting to hear back from a ton more seeing as I applied to about 30, but it’s a start.

Slowly Dying

So much for getting this up on time every week with the Animation blog….

Well, lets hop to it.

The past 2 weeks have in all honesty been a blur. I’ve been so focused on Seminar and Animation that I’ve stayed late without realizing it. Thankfully I am remembering to eat, though it is mostly bagels and sushi….

But really now.

So 3D modeling is still okay for now, but Kane is still Kane and that means nothing is as it seams. In the latest class he gave a lecture on Sublime and it lasted an hour. His voice is very monotone and after a while you can easily zone out. Thankfully it wasn’t too long. Of course he ended it saying, “No one should have to listen to me talk for an hour.” All I thought was ‘we listened to you talk 3 hours at a time last semester.’

One of the more resent assignments from the class
- model a figure and composite it.

Animation is going slowly. Everything is taking a bit longer than I planned so I’m easily getting annoyed. For anything more in-depth go look at that class-specific blog.

Teaching class is….alright. I am learning a bunch and ‘lectures’ are most of the time interactive demos which keeps it interesting. But here’s the thing. I said before that we have to write this research paper of observing two our the kids we teach…..thing was I’m not in the practical class. Finally though they found a solution: I would observe the ceramics class and do my paper on two of them. 

Sure, fine. Only now I have to be at the Saturday Art School same amount of time as them - basically taking another class bringing it up to 7 - yet don’t get credit or practical application.

Yippie.

Next, Model shop. Oh Model Shop.

I truly thought this was going to be a worth-while class yet all we are doing really is going over different materials and tools. We literally spent 3 hours talking about nuts and bolts one day! Most of the time I just keep thinking of all the work I would be doing instead of that class. Only good thing is that it’s half way over now so soon I get to leave.

Sotryboarding class is probably the easiest right now. Sure we had to do an action storyboard but then we got 2 weeks to make the animatic. 2. Whole. Weeks!

Part of the action boards where 2 people fight over the last piece.

The final class is Seminar with Kane. A quick over view is that things are moving, but slowly. I’m having a hard time visualizing and then illustrating the angles that I want so it is frustrating me and him. Not fun.

In other news Spring Break is next week and I plan on going home and de-stressing a bit before going back to the grind. But before that I have 2 classes to go to, new angles to come up with, character designs to finish, a paper to write, 2 faculty meetings to go over my thesis, and a one-on-one with a visiting artist - while still applying to more internships.

......Kill me now.

Breakdown

Last week was not easy.

They say that when it rains, it pour….and to me it defiantly seemed to pour last week.

Now keep in mind that it has only been a few days after I was told that I have to go back to my old story for seminar/thesis prep, essentially tossing out everything I’ve done for the past month or so.

Add on the first day of modeling in Maya where, though exciting, is beyond frustrating because all the keys are different from Cinema 4D and I can’t figure out where anything is located.

Sprinkle in Teaching where I finally get that hand out outlining what my final paper is to be about. Then the teacher suddenly realizes that I’m not in the Saturday Art School class where everyone else is gaining practical experience interacting with their classes and guess what? The paper is about you observations on the evolution of 2 of those students! On top of it the paper, that I have no idea how I will write it, is to be at least 20 pages. 20 PAGES!!!

To top it off in Model Shop we finally got homework that had to be completed in the shop. There is no way around it. The teacher does the demo of the different tools we will need and I figure it will take 20-30 minutes to do. I ask him to leave out the router since I decided I would just do it then. So I went to check out a tool and a technician come over and starts asking if I was certified.

“Not at Pratt, but at my last 2 colleges and my high school, yes.”

“Well did you take the class here and get the sticker?”

“What. Sticker?” (I said turning to look at my teacher who finally came over)

A lot of back and forth happened in which my teacher didn't really participate. The jest is that I apparently needed to take a 6 hour safety course to get a sticker that would allow me to be in the shop and use the tools. I told my teacher the first day I hadn’t been in the shops at Pratt and he said nothing so I assumed I was fine since I had done it so many times before hand. 

Apparently not.

I was told that the last safety course happened last weekend (of course) and that without it I wasn’t allowed to be even in the shop except for class time let alone use the tools outside then to do homework.

After this, I broke.

It may not seem like something that should have been that big a deal to break as badly as I did….and trust me I cracked hard. I called my sister cry like crazy and freaked out to her about Shop, seminar….everything. It took about 25 minutes to calm down enough to eat my dinner take was getting cold and another 30 to be able to think of anything with starting up again.

It didn’t help that it was by then 9pm and I still had a ton of boards to finish for the next day.

Breath.

Now a few days have past since all that. I got permission to take the safely test and, provided I passed, get permission to use the Shop for the semester.

I passed.

1 problem solved.

I’ve also talked to my sister to try and fix my thesis since no one liked what I was trying to do in the new edits. The story is much better and I was able to create a decent animatic in time for class…..but all the boards need more character detail, I need to figure out color, need to fix lots of camera angles and framing, and need to find a better scratch audio narrator.

So problem 2 isn’t quite fixed yet.

As for the Teaching issue, the problem isn’t fixed yet. I have the class tomorrow so hopefully the teacher will have thought of something. 

The stupid cube I had to make fro homework that tipped this breakdown.

Other than that things are okay. Maya is still driving my crazy with it’s impossible interface, but I’m getting to the point that it doesn’t take 5 minutes of internal debate with myself to move one thing.

The highlight of the week was my Uncle Michael coming. He was playing in Brooklyn and we decided to meet up for lunch (he plays the violin for a living). He bought me lunch and I got to sit in on the music for an hour before I had to get back to homework. I even had time to do a doodle of the church we where in.

Now hopefully I don’t have another breakdown this semester. There is a ridiculous amount of work that needs to be finished in the next 3 weeks though and I’m not sure there is enough hours in the day.

Art school. Don’t ya love it.

Set Back

Let's only briefly go over last semester. I know I haven't updated in way too long, that last you heard o was only a few weeks into my first semester in school at Pratt...

Well that's over and done with.

In summary: Animation Narrative was a joke. We had 3 assignments, class was spent going over things I already knew, but hey, I got the credit I needed and it allowed time for other stuff. Practicum was also simple as we where mostly left along to do our animations in ways we wanted. Most of the projects, while new to an animator, where old rides to me - with a motion design background. Seminar was confusing for a long time and it is still difficult to get a read on the teacher, Kane. Languages....I was so glad when that class ended. Everyone, including the teacher, thought I was great and new everything but I was just making a lot up as I went. Finally Animation Studios. We started a project last semester that carries to now (see here for weekly progress) so I won't go into everything.

Still, I ended with a 3.83 so I'm happy. (I'm trying to stay above a 3.8 to graduate with recognition - Pratt also doesn't do the Latin system......)

Moving on to this semester.

I have 6 classes. Yes, that is as crazy as you think it is. We might not meet as often as undergraduate, but we have just as much, if not more, work. 

Let's start with the new stuff quickly.

First up is 3D Computer Modeling, with Kane whom I still can't read. It's going okay so far. We're starting off in ZBrush which I know how to use but will be moving into Maya next week.

Storyboarding is also a class I'm taking. Easy for now, but demanding new storyboards every week which is adding up fast.

Model Shop is my elective outside of the DDA department and is with Industrial Design. We've only had 1 homework assignment so far but have spent every class lecturing on materials and adhesives.......It is obvious that this class will be picking up soon and when it does we are going to run.

I'm taking a class with the Education department as well. Basically it is a class on how to write a lesson plan. As like in Model Shop, I am the only on from a different department. I get a bit lost here sometimes, but everyone is very nice, so even though the amount of reading is crazy - it's going okay.

Now there are 2 classes that continue from last semester. The first is Animation Studio with Claudia still. Seriously, if you want to know all the little details on what is happening, follow the other blog. That one is updated every week religiously since it is part of my grade. Otherwise, I love Claudia, she is my favorite teacher by far. It might be that she tells it to you straight, or that she went to Ringling too, but she is still my favorite.

The last one, and second re-peat class is Seminar with Kane. Last semester towards the end we started writing ideas for thesis, though you could change it over Christmas. This semester the class is basically thesis prep. We have to have storyboards, animatics, style frames, character designs, color stories, and a proof of concept but the end of the semester when we give a big presentation to the faculty. 

Last semester I wrote a story that I really liked, but I knew it had a few issues so I brought it home to get some 'fresh eyes' and their opinions. 

.....It kind of back fired.

I came back this semester with the same general story, but it was completely different. I've worked and worked and worked this, now 5th, version. 2 weeks of drawing, redrawing, frames. A few all-nighters, countless hours spent planning, and I walked into class to play an animatic I was proud of.....only to have crItique basically say, "go back to last semester's version."

So, yeah, a bit of a set back. A bit of a big set back.

Thankfully Kane loved the amount of work I was putting into everything. And even though I am going back to the original, any issues or extra scenes I might need have already been figured out with the different versions. So it will work out. It'll be fine.

At least I can say that now that it has been a few days since I nearly broke down during critique.

Now, hopefully I'll be more regular - but I have a blog just for Animation Studios and need to make one for thesis.....so there is only hope.

Grad-School

So, there that being really about posting on here, I do have some things to say so lets move on.

Grad-School is not what I thought it would be. Though to be honest I’m not quite sure what I expected. 

I guess part of me thought it would be something like 4 years of schooling and teaching packed into 2 years. So far its more like, “Here. The assignment is due in 3 weeks. In the mean time read this packet that is 60 pages, watch these short films, now get me a 15 minute presentation about all that. What isn’t your animation do yet?”

So yeah. Not hand holding here.

Midterms is officially over. With it has past 3 Narrative assignments, 2 Practicum animations, countless Languages files, 5 written out thesis ideas for Seminar, and a board-o-matic + concept art in Animation.

Lets break that down.

Narrative (the class “Animation Narrative”) is a bit up in the air. The teacher still isn’t sure what his plan is and each day of class it a very different topic than the week before. So far we have had to write 1 narrative piece, 2  scripts (one was film noir), and do 2 story boards. Nothing is graded yet so I have no idea how I’m doing in that class.

Practicum is a bit of a joke at times. We had 1 project to make some idents. Then we had a partner project to make an animation about a political or social issue. I HATE partner projects. Thankfully though the person I was with understood after effects at least and though we had several things we disagreed on, it was always resolved quickly and with little fuss.

Two shots from my ident project. Theme was pastel goth.

Seminar is, I’ve found out, thesis prep part 1. While we watch different shorts and talk about film devices and story rules, homework is always to write a short story you could see as an animation. Nothing is set in stone yet, but we do have to make a final decision by 4 weeks into next semester.

Languages is a pain. I don’t like coding but I get some of the concepts easily because they are all very logical to me. Unfortunately this means that most of the class thinks that I know everything so they always ask me for help. I don’t mind helping, but I am no where near confident to proof read your code.

Color wheel created using nothing but coding.

Finally Animation. If you’ve been following my other blog then you know everything that is going on there. Basically we are working on an animation that will last till the end of spring semester. Mine is about a girl that travels to different worlds by a portal/ puzzle piece. It was based off of the Shel Silverstein poem Picture Puzzle Piece.

Expression example sheet for the main character - Pepper

That’s most of the assignments so far, well not mentioning the 40-60 pages of reading for each class every week…..

For now though I’m going to bed. I’ll try and be more regular in posts, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Waiting is Part of the Game

Waiting is one of the hardest things a person has to do, and there is no shortage of it even at art school.

Every spring semester everyone is applying for internships, normally due in February and some will start getting back to you as late as early April. That’s a bit over a month where you are just waiting.

When applying for Graduate School it is even worse. You fill out the applications as early as November, maybe December, then…..wait for 4+ months.

Some letters come in February when everyone else starts stressing out over applying for internships and jobs. Them March comes and more letters arrive, but they are all saying no.

Then suddenly its April. You are waiting on 2 more schools to get back to you, your last chances. Everyone around you is getting interviews, job offers, school is ending in a month, people keep asking what your going to do, you start crossing campus every day to look for a letter but start to think that you will have no options.

Then it happens.

An email, one week before graduate schools make their accepted students chose where they are going.

Breath.

You have to still open it.

“Congratulations on your acceptance to Pratt Institute for the fall 2015 semester!”

Breath.

Finally.

How I felt once I read the email.

So there it is, an acceptance to a masters program that I actually really wanted. No more wondering what was going to happen, no more dodging people and their questions, no more waiting.

True, I’m still waiting to hear back from UCLA but my chances of getting in there was slim to begin with. If by some miracle I get in I don’t know what I’ll do.

Other news isn’t too great though.

Not half an hour after hearing I got into a school I learn that our dog, Nikolai, had just died. I knew it was coming for years now. He had problems walking, couldn’t see or hear well, and was issues controlling his bladder at night. Every time I left home I would ask him to not go when I was away, guess he couldn’t hold on another month.

Still, 14 years for a Siberian Husky is a long time.

Good-bye Mr. Nick, our old man, keep Papa Tom company upstairs.

Time on Fast Forward

Time has felt like it's been on fast forward here. Seriously I feel like it was just Valentine’s Day but really April starts in 3 days.

I have no idea where the time has gone.

.... scratch that, it went to classes.

Honestly I will never suggest doing 6 classes during your final semester unless you absolutely need to.

Work has not been easy. Thesis is taking up a LOT of time but I am - thankfully - not behind. The General Motors class is moving along and we are starting to create the digital models. My Zbrush class is a lot of fun, but also tons of work. I’m also the only person not in Illustration, Game, or Animation therefore basic first steps to them are very foreign to me. Glass casting is one of my only laid back classes - I can take it easy and not stress as long as I get 4 projects done. Native American Cultures is a joke. The class is boring like nothing else and we aren’t even given any tests so what’s the point. (of course this is the only one I have to take to graduate....)

Somehow Spring Break came and went.

I spent the first half at Disney World. My sister Katie is doing the Disney College Program but was able to get most of the time off. My brother Michael had the same break week and drove down with his friend Maddy and my parents and youngest sister flew from home. It was the first time all 6 of us have been to Disney together in 5 years. 

Family all together in Disney for the first time in a while.

The week was fun: seeing shows, riding rides, taking pictures of Katie at work, catching up with May-Lou about things at school and the up coming prom, watching Michael and Maddy make strangers and cast members give the a “high five for Disney,” not thinking about anything else but the present. 

Alas, it was only a week. A week several weeks ago now.

Things are really moving.

Moving to summer.

Moving to graduation....

...ug.

If you had asked me 6 months ago how I would be feeling now, I would have said, “good.” I had everything planned. I would hear back from all my schools, have gotten in to my safety schools, a few middle-of-the-road ones, and maybe, maybe, even a top pick. I would have other options too: long term internships, Disney College Program, maybe even a job offer........

Now though.....

I’ve heard from 5 schools: 2 yes and 3 no. (I’m still waiting on 3.) As for my back up plans I have heard nothing back. The college program has been sending me emails for over a month saying they are backed up and will get to my application soon, but everyone I talk to say that is very odd. Everything else is just nothing, no emails, no notices, just silence.

Before I thought I would be standing at the end of a hall with almost a dozen open doors to choose from. 

Now I feel like am standing in the dark watching doors disappear or slam shut. Even the halls that I do see don’t look as appealing as I first thought they would. Nothing is how I thought it would be and a part of me can’t help but think that these are the only options I’m going to have. After all, I’m never the one picked first, never the smartest or the best, never the one chosen for the job or the internship, never the one asked out, never the one looked at twice.....so why should I feel hopeful for my future when I’ve always lost in the past? 

The next few weeks will determine everything.

I’ll hear back from the last 3 schools by the 10th, the college program by the 20th. The internships will be starting their process soon so I’ll know if I have a chance or not soon. 

So, yeah, time is really moving.